grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize