i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
