kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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