Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
