For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
