shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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