Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
