9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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