Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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