It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
