He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
