i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
