I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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