bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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