Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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