omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
