I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
only you would photoshop your dick
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Randomize
