i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
i think my cat just said my name.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
