Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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