I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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