I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize