You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
im holly from the hills drunk
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
