Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
