we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
