Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Randomize
