So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
