I accidentally had phone sex last night
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Randomize
