if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
