and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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