You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Operation Purity has been aborted
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
