Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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