T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I love having hate sex.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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