You smell like stripper and shame
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
