My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
