okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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