I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
