the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
