He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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