remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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