My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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