Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
