omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
