today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
