Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
