TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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