I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
