Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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