the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
