Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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