Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
